I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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