Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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