I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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