i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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