i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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