i just sent this text using only my big toe
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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