you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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