New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize