then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize