I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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