I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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