VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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