We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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