i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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