dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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