just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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