He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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