I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize