I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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