I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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