WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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