so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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