I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize