shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize