I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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