am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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