Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize