took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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