I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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