I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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