Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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