Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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