You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
nutella sex= disaster
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize