i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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