you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize