dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize