you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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