I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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