there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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