We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize