You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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