what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I supernannyed him into submission
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize