Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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