I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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