Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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