Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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