someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize