i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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