Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize