I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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